I Disappeared - A Story of Thankfulness

I disappeared again. This time for a good reason. It's been a heck of a year.

And now that it's Thanksgiving week, it's time that I told you what's been going on. Three big things happened to me in the last year, and I will cover them over the next several blog entries. Today's entry tells the the story of the biggest event.

Ever since high school, I have suffered migraines. These aren't your garden-variety headaches, and they aren't the migraines that people go on Facebook to complain about. These are the crippling, debilitating, wishing God would just kill you right there so you don't have to feel that way any more kinds of headaches.

Mine have been categorized in the cluster migraine category. That means I get two or three really intense migraines a day. The best way I can describe them is that they feel like an ice cream headache that just won't let up. It feels like someone is trying to pry my eye out of my face with a spoon.

They each last for about two hours each, and it goes on every day for 2-3 weeks. For those keeping count, that's 21 migraines a week, or 63 migraines in a 3-week period. And it drains me. I call it my migraine hangover. They leave me exhausted and unable to focus. When I get them, I am typically reduced to lying in bed with the curtains pulled and my body temperature fluctuating wildly. I try to sleep it off. Sometimes I get warning signs and I can prepare. Sometimes, they come swiftly and strongly, and I have to call someone to pick me up from work or wherever I am to take me home.

The fluctuating body temperature and and swiftness is what drove me to get to the bottom of it around this time last year. One evening in November, my wife was working and I was home alone. I had just put my son to bed and was getting ready for a quiet night of reading. My wife called and said she was on her way home. When she called, I felt great. In the 15 minutes it took her to get home, a migraine had destroyed my evening. She found me in my underwear standing outside in the cold November wind leaning up against the house, unable to talk or open my eyes, trying to regulate my body temperature. She walked me inside, got me dressed, and took me to the emergency room.

That was the moment I decided that I had had enough. After talking to some fellow sufferers, I made an appointment with a neurologist at University of Toledo Medical Center. He spent an hour and a half with me on my first visit, and he ordered an MRI.

My brain with holes.

My brain with holes and really creepy eyes.

The MRI raised some red flags; namely, holes. My doctor thought they were indicative of Multiple Sclerosis. Awesome. The problem is that there is no single test for MS. You have to take multiple tests that will either point to "possible" or "not likely" MS. So my doctor ordered those extra tests.

One of those tests was a spinal tap. That sucked. And then they sent me home and my spinal column refused to heal/plug back up, so I was leaking spinal fluid for several days. Spinal fluid is the same stuff that your brain soaks in and protects it. So my brain was dried out and banging around in my head giving me a non-stop headache. It required another trip to the doctor and BACK onto the spinal tap table so they could take blood from my arm and use it to plug the hole. That also sucked. My spinal tap came out showing no problems or signs of MS.

In the emergency room when my spinal tap didn't heal.

They also ordered a vision test called evoked potential. I don't understand it, but they hooked me to wires and made me watch patterns on a TV screen for 20 minutes. That test showed possible issues related to MS. Then they called me and said they found a problem with the machine's calibration and needed to re-test. I went back and the second test also showed possible MS.

Evoked potential test.

My next meeting at the neurologist's office was with a doctor who specialized in MS. He ordered another MRI, but this time, of my neck. That test showed a bulged disc that was a hair's breadth from my spinal cord. So I was sent to a pain clinic, which gave me three injections of cortisone over a 3-month period.

Bulged disc.

Now, I wait. I have to have another MRI sometime this winter in order to see if the holes have grown larger. If they have grown, then we will start treatment as if I have MS. What does that mean? I don't know for sure. All of the doctors who have seen me say that my symptoms have not manifested the way MS usually appears, so I'm optimistic. The only things that have impacted my life are the headaches, and with the help of the pain clinic and the neurologist, I almost have that under control. I went about 10 months without a major outbreak. They started again last week, but with my new regimen of medication and increased awareness of my warning signals, I can usually stop a headache before it starts. So far, I haven't had one send me home or put me in bed in a dark room yet.

And for that reason, this Thanksgiving season, I am grateful for my team of 5 doctors, and my wife and parents who took turns hauling me to countless emergency room visits and procedures that prevented me from driving in the last year. I am so grateful.

In my next entry, I will share the second life change that was positive and has kept us busy for the last several months.

THANK YOU!!!!!

I don't know what happened on Wednesday, but I have to give you a shout out and say THANK YOU!!!!

This blog typically sees traffic of fewer than 75 hits per day. In fact, on a typical day when I post (Monday, Wednesday and Friday), I usually see views numbering in the 60s. In April, when I participated in the A-Z Blogging Challenge, I would occasionally get more than 100 views.

And then Wednesday, June 17 happened. I posted a simple tribute to an actor who performed in two films I have watched. It wasn't deeply researched, nor did it go heavily into his life or anything else. In fact, I would classify it as one of my short posts.

But then this happened:

My mind is blown. You can see my typical daily average dating back to June 10. There isn't a lot of variation before June 10. And then the spike, which is more than a 700% increase in one day. I was excited to hit 300. I'm over the moon to hit 400.

Thank you to all of you who came to check it out. I invite you to follow this blog or follow me on Twitter. All of the links can be found in the right-hand column of this page. There is a LOT more to come.

Thanks again to all of you,

-Greg "IAWLFAN" Van Vorhis

My Golden List

Recently, I read a book titled "The Ultimate Gift," by Jim Stovall. The book is about the basic life skills we all should have but don't. It's about all of the stuff of life that we know but don't practice.

One chapter is titled "The Gift of Gratitude." The main concept of the chapter is The Golden List, and the premise of the Golden List is simple: "every morning before he got up, he would lie in bed...and visualize a golden tablet on which was written ten things in his life he was especially thankful for" (p. 124).

Today being Father's Day, I would like to take this time to let you all know what I am thankful for. It's been awhile since I've taken stock of my blessings, so I do this as much for myself as I do for all of you.

1) I am thankful for the opportunity to be a daddy. My two boys, ages 7 and 2, each have their unique personalities and troubles, and they are nothing like each other in terms of temperament, but they are amazing to watch as they grow and change both in looks and personality and spirit.

2) (A corollary) I am thankful that a goofy-looking guy like me can have two such good-looking kids. It still baffles me.

3) I am grateful for second chances. My wife Jenn is the second chance I thought I would never get, nor deserve. My neighbor even told her once that I wasn't a very happy guy until I met her. My neighbor was right. Until I met Jenn, I didn't think I would be happy again.

4) I am grateful for maturity and understanding. Jenn and I just hosted a cookout at our home for my best friend from high school (and godfather to my youngest son) Kyle, and my ex-girlfriend from high school, Laura, who I dated for six years. Laura's husband Bill and their three daughters joined us and we all had a fantastic time. Kyle and another friend from high school who joined us, Heather, still don't get it, but Jenn, Laura, Bill and I get along great. There is nothing better than spending quality time with great friends.

5) I am thankful for my brother Lance. I don't talk to him often, but we share a love for 80s arena rock (especially Poison) and an ability to Name That Tune (song, band, album, and sometimes even track number for bonus points) in less than 2 seconds. And when life isn't all Guns 'N Roses, we both know there is a place to turn to vent or confess or seek advice in complete confidence. My brother knows at least 3 of my deepest, darkest secrets and I completely trust him with those and thank him for his firm, frank and loving advice.

6) I am thankful for my best friend since High School, Kyle, who was mentioned before. He took me in when I was out. He picked me up when I was literally down. He talked sane when I wasn't thinking insane. He made phone calls that I should have been making. He minds his own business until he no longer can, but is smart enough to ask questions and not jump to conclusions. Kyle has been my safety net and my best friend. And just this last week, Jenn and I came to fully realize what a wise choice we made in asking him to be our youngest son's godfather.

7) I am thankful for my job. After being laid off for 9 months, I gained a whole new respect for security and the pride that can come from having a job. I LOVE my job (mostly ... but I think everyone who loves their job can find one or two things they wish they could change), and I am so thankful for the trust, openness and honesty that my bosses have shown in me.

8) I am thankful for my old boss who layed me off in Wendy's at 3:15 p.m. with Poison's "Every Rose Has its Thorn" playing on the restaurant radio (not that the details are seared into my mind or anything). At the time he told me that he was probably doing me a favor. It turns out he was doing me a favor for several reasons.But it took me 2 years to realize that.

9) I am thankful for one of my former co-workers who saw me heading in a wrong direction and pulled me into a private room to talk some sense into me. That talk sticks with me today.

9) I am thankful for the kindness of strangers. When I was laid off in February 2009, I called everyone  with whom I had an account. When I called my Internet Service Provider and explained my situation, the woman on the other end of the line said she had been in the same position a few months before, and knew the hardship we were facing. She then waived my Internet bill for the next three months. The Internet was my prime tool for my job hunt. I cried on the phone with her I was so grateful.

10) I am thankful for the network I have and the people that I know. Do you have any idea how good it feels to wake up at midnight in December and the furnace doesn't work, but there is nothing to worry about because the furnace guy knows you and comes out and has it repaired within 20 minutes, sparing you the need to go to the local 24-hour big box store and buy 3 or 4 heaters? It's that kind of feeling that keeps me really warm.

11) I am thankful for finding blogging  as an outlet for this uncontrollable urge to write. All of these pent-up ideas need somewhere to go, and I am excited to share them with you.

12) I am thankful for the relatively good health of myself and my family. I am a horrible eater and I know it. Each night, I find something to snack on. Tonight, I ate 3/4 of a bag of tortilla chips...plain. My lips hurt and my sodium intake is high enough to last for a month. But I'm healthy...and skinny. But as I said, it's all relative. Last week, the 2 year old was in the emergency room with a temperature of 106.8. Also last week, Jenn had a summer cold. But in the big picture, we are healthy people.

13) I am thankful for a trustworthy vehicle. More about that nightmare in a later blog.

14) I am thankful for my parents. While not perfect, they have guided me very well. We have been on some rough seas lately, but I hope we can dock together soon and come to terms of love and mutual respect for the other's ship.

To find out more about what I am reading (should that for some reason interest you) you can follow me on Good Reads. Alternatively, you can find almost everything else about me at about.me.

Thanks. For everything. I mean it.