Sometimes the Powers of Good converge

Have you ever gotten the feeling that life is shitting on you?

It's a vulgar way to ask it, but sometimes, it feels that bad. And unless you are perfect, I know that your answer is yes. We have all felt it.

In the past two years, Jenn and I have struggled through a lot of stuff, including Jenn being laid off twice and me getting laid off once. There has been a lot of other stuff that I'm not going to put into print here, but let's just say that we have struggled. And recently, it has seemed to pile up and happen all at once.

But since I have gotten laid off, there have been a lot of good things happening. I touched on some of it in my first entry.

Before I got laid off, Jenn and I agreed to use our very sizeable tax return to catch up on some bills and pay off a couple of credit cards. We also agreed to get rid of most of our credit cards and start paying down as much debt as possible. We also agreed to attend something through Jenn's church called Financial Peace University. Mind you, all of that was agreed to BEFORE the layoff.

Because of the layoff, we were able to pay off our smallest credit card bill and catch up where we had fallen behind since Kaleb's birth. We are holding back the rest to get through the layoff as best we can.

But we went one step further, on the faith of the financial program we started March 15. We invested $1,000 in an emergency fund. All the while, I'm thinking "BUT WE'RE IN AN EMERGENCY!!!!!!!" The other half of me is thinking "So what. Maybe if we skimp enough in other areas, and cut out as much as we possibly can, maybe we can make it through this emergency without cutting into that emergency fund. Then we'll be that much better off."

Call me crazy, but I think we can do it. I HOPE we can do it!!!!!! I'm afraid of the Financial Peace University because it is going to make us look at what we've done and change our behavior. It already has. But we have committed to it.

Then tonight, we watched a movie called Fireproof, about a couple who salvages their marriage from the grips of divorce. I won't say we were to the point that they were, but with the financial stress we have been under due to Kaleb's birth and bout with RSV, and with some stupid debts we owe, it hasn't been a lot of fun.

Sometimes a movie hits WAY too close to home, though. The movie The Break-Up might as well have been about me and my ex-wife. Fireproof might as well have been about me and Jenn.

What it comes down to, is that these two products - a class and a movie - have changed us for the better. Sometimes good things are poured on you just as much as life can seem to shit on you. The question is, are you paying attention when the good things happen?

My eyes are open and I am paying attention. But I'm not waiting for good things to happen to me. I am going to MAKE good things happen.

For more information on both of these potentially life-saving programs, visit http://www.fireproofmymarriage.com/ and http://www.daveramsey.com/

In other news, my second interview went well. I either totally screwed myself over with one answer or completely won them over because of my honest over that one answer.

I also have an interview scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. So we'll see what happens!

Possibly the shortest-lived blog ever

I have been kicking around the idea of this blog pretty much since I got laid off. I have thought about what it would look like, what the topic would be, and how I would censor myself in case potential employers found it.

Most of all, I spent a lot of time thinking about if I really wanted to say what was on my mind, since my emotions have been everywhere during the past month.

Actually, today IS one month. I was laid off one month ago today. I'm going to drink a beer tonight to celebrate.

But I will be celebrating more than unemployment. Hopefully it will be a celebration of short-term unemployment.

On Monday, I attended what I call a "cattle call" in Bowling Green. This particular cattle call was for a store called Peebles that is opening up just down the road from my house on April 30. Everyone walked in, filled out an application and interviewed on the spot.

The woman who interviewed me just called me and wants a second interview on Friday. So I will be there!

Jenn isn't excited about retail, but anything ... even a fast food job or cleaning the drunk tanks at the jail ... is better than what I have now!

So keep your fingers crossed for me!

What does it all mean?

I'm bored.

Not really. I was laid off from my job as a writer for the local newspaper on Feb. 17. I had been there for 10 1/2 years. It was my first job out of college, and my first career. I planned to stay there and retire.

I had an inkling that it may be coming, so I e-mailed myself all of my contact numbers and e-mail addresses about three weeks before the axe fell. I thought maybe I was safe, but there is no such thing, come to find out.

I'm not bitter. I'm mad, frustrated, scared and flat-out broke, but not bitter.

And tonight I feel optimistic. That usually isn't a word that is in a journalist's vocabulary. You can only report on so many murders and assaults and drug busts and lies before you get a little jaded and stop believing in and trusting people.

This layoff has been a blessing in that way. I have had the opportunity to get to know my five-month-old son, Kaleb and what all of his cries and funny sounds mean. I have been able to spend more time with my 5-year-old son, Evan, who recently earned his yellow belt with a stripe in karate. I have had a chance to argue, cry, be afraid, learn, establish a plan, and truly reconnect with my wife, Jenn.

I have fought with job and family services at both the local and state level. I have been frustrated by the incapacity of the people at the Child Support Enforcement Agency to have a heart or to allow me to look out for the son who lives with me. I have accused a credit card "counselor" of being a heartless, uncompassionate liar, and I have told more people than I can count that you can't squeeze blood from a stone.

At the same time, I have seen unbelievable acts of kindness, from unwavering multi-pronged support from my parents, a surprise hug from my brother (unheard of!), support from my in-laws, a surprise phone call from a former co-worker, constant e-mails from one co-worker and two colleagues, numerous visits from a close friend who has seen me deal with a lot of emotional baggage through the years, an unbelievable act of kindness from my Internet Service Provider, and hundreds of dollars in reduced fees from another creditor.

It is these acts of kindness that are helping to eliminate that jaded state of my soul and make me a better husband, father, son, and overall person.

So now, I take care of Kaleb 3 days a week. During the other two days, I run around madly trying to find a new job. Every other weekend and on Wednesday nights we add Evan to the fray. At all times, I am doing housework; searching for the Bigger, Better Job; and reading a variety of hints and tips on how to survive this crisis we currently are in.

Last night, Jenn and I watched the 1983 movie Mr. Mom. Jenn and I both noticed that it pretty much describes us to a T. I just haven't become addicted to the soaps...yet.

So this all leads me to reason this blog is titled "Stronger Now" and has the phrase "rise fall rise again" in the address.

Those are references to two songs that are appropriate to current events and previous events in my life. While the specifics of the songs do not always directly coincide with those events, the sentiments of the songs remain the same. I have included the lyrics here:

Broken Beat and Scarred
By Metallica
(Listen to it here)

You rise, you fall, you're down, then you rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong
You rise, you fall, youre down, then you rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong

Rise, fall, down, rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong
Rise, fall, down, rise again
What don't kill you make you more strong

Through black days
Through black nights
Through pitch black insights

Breaking your teeth on the hard life coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Breaking your life
Broken, beat and scarred
But we die hard

The dawn, the death, the fight to the final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong
The dawn, the death, the fight to the final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong

Dawn, death, fight, final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong
Dawn, death, fight, final breath
What don't kill you make you more strong

They scratched me
They scraped me
They cut and rape me

Breaking your teeth on the hard life coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Breaking your life
Broken, beat and scarred
But we die hard

Breaking your teeth on the hard life coming
Show your scars
Cutting your feet on the hard earth running
Show your scars
Braiding your soul in a hard luck story
Show your scars
Spilling your blood in a hot suns foray
Show your scars
Breaking your life
Broken, beat and scarred
We die hard

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stronger Now
By Warrant
(Listen to it here)

I held you for a moment in my hands
The moment with you slipped away like sand
Through my fingers now
In front of me a choice I have to make
To carry on or simply fade away
I lose you either way
I'd like to say that it was easy, it was hard
To say goodbye, I thought that I would die
Chorus
Letting go of you, was so hard to
And I thought that it would kill me but I made
It through somehow, and I'm so much stronger now
I gave to you my love and my respect
But I could never make you love me back
I denied it so
I grew bitter watching you grow cold
My life became your prison, took it's toll
I decided
Like a bird that's trapped
Inside a gilded cage
It's right to set it free,
Hurts to watch it
Fly away
Letting go of you, was so hard to
And I thought that it would kill me but I made
It through somehow, and I¹m so much stronger now

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The themes of those two songs embody what life and this blog are all about: We rise, fall, get down, then we rise again. What doesn't kill us makes us more strong, and I AM stronger now. But I know I will fall again. We all have our days. It's how we come out on the other side that counts.

As Andy Dufresne said in the movie The Shawshank Redemption, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."